HONORING THE JOURNEY
When you begin to share your experiences, your thoughts, your doubts and what you’ve learned since leaving a religion, it can come across like it must have all been a negative experience. That is not the case with me at all.
I was heavily involved in Evangelical Christianity for almost 20 years, and I wanted to just assure you that, although I left, I did have some really amazing experiences, met some great people and found a lot of joy and goodness along the way.
I don’t mean to come across as angry or ungrateful for the good things that I picked up from my experiences there. I think no matter what you’ve left, whether it’s an unhealthy relationship, job or religion - there are always going to be redeeming qualities about it! Why do you think people stay in toxic relationships for so long? Haven’t you ever heard, “When it was good, it was so good! But when it was bad, well, it was awful.”?
During my time in church and ministry, I found many amazing friends, some with whom I still deeply connect. I learned so much about the Bible, about God, serving others, being selfless, prayer and of course Jesus. I was able to help people, encourage people and study under some amazing teachers. I have nothing but thankfulness in my heart for the good things I was able to tuck away in my heart and mind during my time in Evangelicalism. I want to be clear that I honor those parts of my journey! I’ve brought a lot of those things with me along the way.
But just because things are good sometimes, doesn’t mean I needed to stay in a situation that also began to feel very wrong to me. And just because I left, it doesn’t mean I’m trying to take anyone with me or burn the building down as I go. It’s okay to walk away, respectfully, when something begins to feel off in a situation.
I’m just trying to be open and honest about where I am. I am genuinely in a place where a lot of what I was taught just doesn’t make sense to me anymore, for many reasons. If it makes sense to you, and it’s working for you, I’m not trying to change that. Perhaps some of the things I’ve learned along the way may help you understand, though, that when people do leave, they have a very good reason for doing so. Listening to them and loving them instead of judging them or condemning them (or making them feel like you don’t believe them) is a lot more like how Jesus would handle the situation.
Another reason I’m being more open about where I’m at with my faith is because being in the public eye in Evangelicalism (even at a small level), I know that people had their opinions and thoughts about who I was and what I believed. I’ve written books, been on podcasts and public interviews about my experiences.
But things have changed with me. If I wasn’t honest about where I am now, it would feel like I was living a life of duality - a double life of sorts. If I didn’t say anything about my shift in beliefs, most of my connections from the past would always assume that I am the same exact person I always was. Living a life like that has never been acceptable to me - and it most definitely isn’t now, either.
I’m going to be on this journey for the rest of my life! Faith, to me now, is like a flowing river - it is constantly moving, changing, shifting. It’s supposed to. I feel like the faith I had before was becoming more like a pond that was sitting still and getting stagnant and putrid. I can’t explain it except to say that God is way bigger than I was taught and I am now at peace. I believe God loves us all and is okay with the fact that we don’t always see things the same as everyone else. When we seek Him with our whole heart, we will find Him. In our own way. In our own time.
For example - when I spend time with my daughter, Stephanie, we tend to relate together through hiking, camping, music, connection, relationships and all the deep things. When I’m with my daughter, Kennedy, we connect by sharing a passion for fitness, cooking, home making and one on one time. When I’m with my daughter Peyton, who is an Interior Designer, we connect by sharing fashion, designing, creating and other aesthetics. All three are my daughters, but I relate to them in different ways. They don’t see the world the same. And I love that! They are unique, beautiful and amazing women! They don’t relate to me the exact same ways. It’s not that I change who I am when I’m with them, I just like to relate to them right where they are by tapping into those areas of myself, instead of always making them relate to ME the way I see fit.
I believe it’s the same with God. We were created to be unique, beautiful and amazing! And when we express ourselves in our own ways, God meets us right where we are. We don’t all have to believe the exact same - we don’t all have to approach God the same ways. We can seek God in the way we feel most connected with in our hearts and souls. We are all on our own journey - and every journey is beautiful - though they may look different. That’s the beauty of uniqueness and originality!
Thank you for allowing me to share my journey with you. I honestly want to honor your journey and I simply ask, no matter what you believe or where you are in your faith, that you honor mine, too.
-Leslie
