BORN AGAIN…AGAIN

I was recently asked about my journey out of religion and Evangelicalism. Someone wanted to know my thoughts about how it felt to be a strong, very outspoken Evangelical Christian and then go through the process of an intense faith transition out of religion.

After some time of reflection, I compared the process to me, as an Evangelical Christian, to being an infant in utero. I was comfortable, safe and felt like I had everything I needed in Evangelicalism. I felt loved, I felt accepted and I had all the answers I needed. I had been “born again” in Evangelical terms. But then, one day, there was a contraction that took me by surprise. A strong, powerful doubt that threatened the safety and warmth of my Evangelical womb.

And the contractions kept coming. Stronger, more powerful and closer together. Each doubt that I had, each question that I asked and every time I saw how many Evangelicals treated people who didn’t believe like them was a world-rocking contraction. These contractions were so threatening. I felt like at some point, I wasn’t going to be able to fight them anymore. But I did fight them for a long time because the thought of leaving my safe, warm womb was too much to imagine. Where would I go? What was it like out there, anyway? If I left, would I be sent to hell for all of eternity?

Then along came 2020. The political climate, divisiveness over how to love our fellow humans through a pandemic and my own deep sadness over how the LGBTQIA community was being treated and judged was my breaking point. I guess you could say that I was born again…again. I was pushed out of the womb and into a new world. But, surprisingly, it wasn’t a scary world. It was actually quite beautiful.

This new world was way more expansive, more inclusive, more compassionate and a whole lot less judgmental. It didn’t have the safety of a tribe who believed everything exactly as I did, but it had something better - people who loved, respected, accepted and validated me, in spite of what I believed. And I found freedom to love them, in spite of what they believed, too.

My first reaction after being born into this new reality was to be angry about where I came from. How could I have been so wrong about so many things? How could people I love still believe that way? How could I ever make up for the pain I’d caused by pushing my beliefs on people and judging them harshly? I hated this new feeling of anger. It didn’t suit me well. I’m a lover, not a fighter. I realized I needed to work through the anger and deal with some of my pain through therapy. It did wonders for me! Living in anger never serves anyone well.

Now, as I explore my new world with a sense of wonder and curiosity that is incredibly new and refreshing to my soul, I am no longer angry. I can see the good that I brought with me from my time in the church. That time helped me to love community and connection, to love God and to know Jesus. I understand that people still enjoy that community and want and sometimes need to stay there. I understand why. I understand the draw to belong. I completely get why people love religion. There are so many good things about it. But it was time for me to move on.

Nearly all religions believe with all of their heart, soul, strength and mind that theirs is the ONE true religion and all the other religions are deceived. Someone is wrong. Perhaps, they all are? Can’t we just love God and love people, without the baggage of defiled religion?

My prayer for you, if you are feeling the “contractions” and you’re afraid of what might be coming next, that you would trust the process. If you need someone to walk with you, I’m here. When I went through all of this, I was alone - but you do not have to be alone. You can still love God, follow Jesus and be in relationship with other beautiful humans outside of religion and church. It feels scary at first, but that’s just because it’s new. New always feels intimidating! The disorientation will fade and you’ll find freedom again! It just takes time, intention and a lot of work.

A faith transition is not the end of the world! It can actually be the beginning of a whole new, beautiful world for you. And trust me, it’s worth the effort. It’s a great, big world out there.