YOU’RE GOING TO BE OKAY
It’s been a wild few weeks since I went public about my faith transition and after some time of being tossed around, now I’m finally coming up for air. I knew this was going to be difficult, I guess I didn’t realize just how difficult it was going to be. The complexities and the nuances of being vulnerable and sharing where you’re at on your personal spiritual journey can make you feel like you’re laid bare before the world. It can be quite disorienting, and as a people pleaser, I have to realize that there is no way around disappointing people. That’s been the hardest part for me. But I can’t let that stop me from being the truest me that I can be. Vulnerability is the key to connection.
In late August, I was a guest on RevCovery Podcast, where I shared my story for the first time. My auditory learner friends took a trip over there and listened in. I had several people contact me from my Evangelical past. Some were curious and genuinely concerned for my eternity. I expected that. I also expected and received some feedback from people who were looking to argue and others who totally understood where I was coming from and felt the same way, but weren’t ready to go public yet.
Then I posted my first blog about it titled Pulling the Thread and my friends who learn by reading began to contact me. It was like a second wave of curiosity that swept through my friends list. The feedback was very much the same. Some concerned, some curious and some very thankful they were not the only ones who felt this way.
It’s been overwhelming to hear from people who feel understood, seen and finally affirmed in their journey. That’s been my favorite part, and if I’m honest, it’s the reason I decided to go ahead and be vocal about where I’m at in my faith and life journey. When I first began my journey, it was so incredibly lonely. I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone who understood what I was going through. Fellow Christians would say, “You need to read your bible more and get to a church and these doubts will go away” or I’d talk to friends who just didn’t understand at all because religion was never an issue in their lives. Some people even wondered why I would care so much. What’s the big deal?
The big deal is that it was my life. It was my identity. It was my after-life. I preached it. I wrote about it. I begged others to believe it. It was all the answers I needed in this life wrapped up in theological dogma and it made complete sense.
Until it didn’t.
Once I began to question and explore those questions, I realized it was impossible to go back. The answers were not what I thought they would be. Once you begin to see something so profound, it’s nearly impossible to unsee it. And honestly, I’m okay with that. Well, now I am. It took a hot minute to get there and lots of inner work and tears (because grief is no joke) but here I am.
When the questions start, where can you go? We all need a safe and soft place to land when we are free falling out of religion. I’m hoping that will be exactly what this space is for people who are questioning, afraid, ashamed, confused or even hurt or angry. Those are all phases I went through in this process. I would have given anything to have someone there for me, to help me process the pain, questions and new discoveries. Someone without an agenda except to help me sort things out. Someone who has been there and survived and is now thriving in life again. Someone who could offer hope in my journey.
Whether you wind up back in the pews on Sunday or run as far as you can away from religion, the most important thing I want you to know is that you are going to be okay.
Every single journey deserves to be honored, and yours is no exception. I have zero desire to pull anyone out of religion and zero desire to take anyone anywhere they are not ready to go. My only desire is for you to know you are not alone. You may land somewhere that I didn’t land - and that’s okay by me. As long as you make peace with your beliefs, as long as you feel seen and heard, I believe without a doubt that you will be just fine.
I needed someone to tell me that when my journey began.
And as I come up for air, I just wanted you to know that.
-Leslie
